Carlos Hoyos is Senior Global Executive Coach at Elite Leader Institute.
A high-level executive at a global corporation came to me for coaching, frustrated by his inability to influence key stakeholders. He was responsible for multimillion-dollar deals and had a strong track record. Yet despite his expertise and data-driven arguments, critical projects kept stalling.
In another article, “The Evolution Of Networking: Why It’s All About Value, Not Buzzwords,” I explained that effective networking isn’t about empty connections—it’s about adding real value. However, most leaders struggle with understanding how to add value beyond transactions. Similarly, in “Managing Chaos: A 360-Degree Approach To High-Stakes Projects,” I explored the complexity of navigating multiple stakeholders in high-pressure environments. One key insight: Influence isn’t about having the best plan—it’s about how well you understand decision-making dynamics.
My client’s challenge wasn’t strategy or intelligence. It was something deeper.
Like many executives, he assumed decisions were driven by logic. But neuroscience tells us otherwise: The reptilian and paleolimbic parts of the brain “make decisions” first, and only then does the neocortex justify the decision in a rational way. Most of the time, people don’t think their way into decisions; they feel their way in and then explain it with logic.
This insight changed everything for my client. He realized that influence isn’t just about making a better argument—it’s about creating an emotional experience that reduces resistance and fosters commitment.
The Master Mechanism Of Influence: Emotional-Level Value Creation
Effective leadership isn’t about pushing ideas—it’s about creating an environment where people want to align with you. This requires two key skills:
1. Persuasive communication that avoids defensive reactions
2. Adding emotional value beyond rational benefits
Here’s how these elements work together to unlock influence.
Persuasive Communication Without Triggering Defense Mechanisms
My client was frustrated by constant pushback, unaware that his framing activated a defensive response in stakeholders’ brains.
The reptilian brain—responsible for survival instincts—scans every interaction for threats. If a message feels like a challenge to someone’s authority or competence, they resist, even if it makes logical sense.
To bypass this resistance, I coached him to:
Ask instead of tell.
Instead of saying, “We need to move forward with this strategy,” he asked, “What do you see as the biggest risks in moving forward?” This shifted the conversation from confrontation to collaboration.
Validate before challenging.
He acknowledged their perspectives before introducing his. “I see why this approach is appealing—it offers stability. My concern is whether it limits future growth. What’s your take?”
Lead with shared goals.
Instead of making proposals about his agenda, he framed them as collective wins. “We both want this project to succeed. What’s the best way to align?”
The shift was immediate. He stopped facing resistance and started fostering real discussions where stakeholders felt heard and valued.
Adding Emotional Value: The Secret To Deep Influence
Beyond communication tactics, the real breakthrough came when he started addressing emotional needs. Since all decisions are made emotionally first, real influence happens when you engage stakeholders at the levels their brains truly process.
We ensured every interaction delivered value at six core emotional levels:
1. Emotional Safety: ‘I’m not at risk here.’
If stakeholders fear reputational or career risk, they may resist. We reframed messaging to minimize perceived threats: “This strategy mitigates risk by ensuring …”
2. Belonging: ‘I’m part of something bigger.’
People align more easily when they feel included in something meaningful: “This initiative will solidify our team as industry leaders.”
3. Being Right: ‘I’m making the correct call.’
People often resist if they feel their past decisions are being questioned. We positioned the new approach as a natural extension of their thinking: “Your insights on market trends led us here. This strategy builds on that momentum.”
4. Pride: ‘This is something I can stand behind.’
People are more likely to commit when they feel their decisions will be a source of pride: “This initiative will be a defining moment for our company.”
5. Feeling Heard And Seen: ‘My input matters.’
Stakeholders tend to disengage when they feel ignored. Instead of presenting solutions outright, he incorporated their input first: “Your perspective has been invaluable. Here’s how we can integrate your insights.”
6. Fair Treatment: ‘This decision respects my contributions.’
People may resist when they feel overlooked. We made sure stakeholders saw the personal and organizational benefits: “This plan ensures fair benefits across all departments.”
The Moment It All Changed
Once my client applied these strategies, everything shifted. Instead of convincing people, he was enrolling them. Instead of resistance, he found alignment.
A once-hesitant decision-maker became an advocate when he saw his expertise was being built upon rather than challenged. Another stakeholder, initially resistant over fairness concerns, backed the initiative once he saw his department’s role recognized.
By making these subtle but powerful changes, my client didn’t just close deals—he built long-term alliances.
Elite Networking Is Deep Influence
Networking isn’t just about exchanging information. It’s about deeply understanding and addressing the needs of those around you, creating relationships that are built on trust, emotional connection and shared success.
The brain makes decisions emotionally first and rationally second. True influence doesn’t start with logic—it starts with making people feel safe, valued and emotionally aligned. Without this foundation, even the best strategies will face resistance.
If you want to be an elite leader, you must go beyond persuasion and master emotional-level value creation. Influence is not about being the smartest person in the room—it’s about being the one who makes others feel heard, respected and empowered. Because at the highest levels of leadership, people don’t just say yes to ideas—they say yes to the people who make them feel valued, safe and respected.
So how are you building emotional value in your relationships?
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